


Change Is A Constant

by Angel_made_of_scars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Genderfluid, M/M, genderfluidity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 03:33:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7918906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The first thing he noticed when he walked into his bedroom was the chemical smell. Immediately he was searching the room, looking for the source. If there was some ancient, men of letters, chemical leak he could be dead in minutes. But it smelled familiar somehow. Almost like...</i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i>"Cas?"<i><i></i></i></i><i></i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Change Is A Constant

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Castielchester](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castielchester/gifts).



The first thing he noticed when he walked into his bedroom was the chemical smell. Immediately he was searching the room, looking for the source. If there was some ancient, men of letters, chemical leak he could be dead in minutes. But it smelled familiar somehow. Almost like...

"Cas?"

"Hello Dean." Cas said calmly. He realized what it was then. Nail polish. Bright green nail polish. On his toes.

"What are you doing?" Dean asked. It was pretty obvious, him perched on the toilet, foot up, brush in hand, but he still asked.

"I saw this out at the store with Sam yesterday. I just... Liked it." Cas said quietly.

"Well, listen, you need to take that off buddy. Guys just don't wear that stuff." Dean said.

Just like that, Cas' face fell. He looked almost angry, with his jaw set in a hard line. He calmly screwed the lid back on the polish and grabbed a wad of toilet paper, scrubbing at the green paint.

"Cas-"

"It's alright. I didn't know. I'll get it off." Cas said evenly. His eyes watered, and Dean realized too late that he looked like he might cry.

"Cas, are you ok?" Dean asked.

"I'm fine. Really. Will you please go heat up the soup you made earlier? I think I'd like to eat some." Cas said. Dean gladly took that as his offered up escape.

* * *

It was a few weeks later that he noticed it again. Just something off. Cas was human now, and he had needs. They all went to the restrooms in the back of the store, and Cas hesitated at the doors.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked.

"Nothing." Cas responded quickly, but he still didn't move.

"Cas, are you alright?" Sam asked.

"I'm fine Sam. Thank you for your concern." He said. He walked into the mens room like nothing had happened, and Dean frowned.

"Has Cas been acting off to you?" Dean asked.

"No, don't worry about it. He's probably fine." Sam said calmly. Dean noticed his nervous tick immediately, but didn't mention it.

When Cas came out his eyes were red.

* * *

Dean finally saw something he knew he shouldn't have the next week. He had just gotten back, and he was going to unload the groceries. As he went to the kitchen, his eyes landed on Cas. He stopped in the doorway and hid himself.

Cas was standing close to Sam, holding up two different dresses. Both were sun dresses, like Lisa used to wear. One was simple brown and white, tortiseshell design. The other was teal, and a little shorter. Sam pointed towards the teal one, and Cas smiled.

Dean put his back to the wall and took a deep breath. Something was definitely wrong.

He exaggerated heavy steps before entering, and by the time he walked in, the dresses were gone. Cas looked almost sad, and Sam definitely looked like he was hiding something. Still, he put away the groceries like nothing had happened.

"So, what we're you guys up to in here?" Dean asked.

"Dishes."

"Drinks."

"He wanted a drink, and I was going to do dishes before you got back." Sam said. Cas nodded from beside him.

"Sam, the sink is empty." Dean said. He crossed his arms, and Sam shrugged.

"I didn't know that until I was in here. We were just talking." Sam said cooly. Dean nodded, but his temper got the best of him.

"Alright. Hey, I'm going back out. I'll see if I can pass some time at the theater up in town, see a movie. Whenever you two wanna spill whatever secret you're keeping from me, you call me, ok?" Dean said. Cas' face fell, and Sam instantly looked angry, but he turned and walked out before they could say anything.

* * *

"Cas?"

"Sam, please, just... Don't." Cas said quietly.

"Hey, don't push me out here. I'm on your side, you know that." Sam said quickly.

"I know, I just... I took a risk using that polish in his bathroom, and I knew he would react it such a way. Now he's just..."

"Noticing?" Sam suggested.

"Yes, noticing things. I'm noticing things too. I'm just very confused and I feel... Wrong. He's making it worse." Cas said sadly.

"I know Cas, I'm so sorry. Hey, why don't we do what we've been talking about?" Sam suggested.

"Shaving?"

"Yeah, we can lock the door." Sam said.

"That... That would make me feel much better, thank you Sam." Cas said, smiling at him. Sam nodded and pulled the dresses out from under the sink.

"Come on, lets go try these on you first." Sam said. Cas nodded to lead the way, and Sam led them down the halls, all the way to his room.

"Ok, uh, you want me to turn around, or-"

"No, actually, I may need assistance in getting these on correctly. They seem the right size, but they're cut for a female body." Cas explained.

"Right, might get stuck." Sam grinned.

As he helped Cas pull it on, he felt like a weight lifted. He felt right again, and Sam noticed. He led him over to the bed, and let him sit down. Cas took a few deep breaths before speaking.

"This is much better. It's just... Right." Cas said quietly. Sam smiled, but he looked concerned.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. It's just... You know, you're undergoing some big changes here. If you shave, and then change your mind, it takes a while for hair to grow back. Are you absolutely positive you want to do this?" Sam asked.

Cas thought for a moment. He did change his mind a few days ago, but by the time he woke up the next day, the feeling was back. He told Sam as much. Maybe he had a point.

"Maybe... Maybe I can just shave under my arms. That way I still have masculine hair on my legs if I start to feel that way." Cas said.

"About that, what do you feel like? I mean, can you describe it?" Sam asked.

"I can try... When I first became human, I felt fine. More recently, I just felt... Wrong. I can't find the words for it. I just feel..."

"Like your in the wrong body?"

"Sort of. The idea of being transgender is not foreign to me, I've seen it throughout history. It's like that, but not... Completely. I just don't know how to explain." Cas said.

"Well, you know, there are new names Cas. There are more categories and labels then there ever have been. I mean, we've been pretty busy the last few years. Maybe you can find a name you've never heard before that fits." Sam suggested.

"That sounds good. Could I borrow your computer?" Cas asked.

"Of course. Now, or after you shave?" Sam asked.

"I think before would be wise. Can you find the razors and shaving cream for me as well?" Cas asked.

"Yeah, of course. Be right back." Sam said.

As Sam walked into his bathroom to get the things he would need, Cas opened his laptop. It had been used recently, so he just moved the mouse to refresh it. When the search page came up, he clicked the bar and stopped.

"What should I type?" Cas asked. Sam handed him the plastic shopping bag, with a razor set and shabing cream, and pulled it towards him.

"How about we narrow it down. Does this feeling change how you look at... You know, attraction?" Sam asked.

"No, but if it matters, I don't believe I'd have any preference over any gender. I think I'd feel attraction to a soul over a vessel." Cas said. Sam blinked in surprise, trying to think of something to say.

"So... Everybody?" Sam said after a moment.

"Yes."

"Ok." Sam nodded. He typed something in to the search bar and looked up.

"So, this is more a gender thing, I think. You said the feeling faded for a day, then came back, but it wasn't there when you first became human. So, fluctuations?" Sam said.

"Correct." Cas said. He pulled at the hem of the dress nervously, and looked away.

"What if Dean-"

"Hey, don't worry about Dean. He doesn't understand yet, but he will." Sam said. Cas nodded, but he wasn't convinced.

"So, immediately I get three things. Transgender, genderfluid, or androgynous. Obviously that's not your only choices, but if you're looking for a name to have, I'd start there." Sam said. He slid the laptop towards Cas, who squinted at the definitions under the bright flags.

"Oh... This seems right." Cas said quietly.

"Which one, that one?" Sam asked.

"Yes, it fits. I... Like the way it fits." Cas said.

"Ok, well, then now you have a name for it. And, if you ever change your mind, you don't have to use that term, you can find a different one. Or, none at all." Sam said. Cas nodded.

"I think I may prefer just... Now that I know, I don't need to say it." Cas said.

"So, like, you're just... You. No titles, or name needed. But now you know?"

"Yes, exactly. Sam, thank you. For helping me shop, and find this. If you don't mind, could you... Could you not bring this up to Dean? If he asks, you can try to tell him, but I don't want to make him uncomfortable by bringing it up." Cas said.

"He's going to ask, you know that. Right? With your dresses, and-"

"No, I won't be showing Dean. I will only wear these around here, when he's out." Cas said quickly.

"Cas, what are you afraid of?" Sam asked. Cas shrugged, but he was thinking, so Sam gave him a moment.

"I've been in Deans head. The way he berates himself, in the deepest parts of his mind, where he denies and fights the notion that he..." Cas stopped.

"What? Might be a little gay? I've known that for years. He told me once that he was 'a little bi' when he was blackout drunk. I almost took him to the hospital, it was so bad that night." Sam admitted.

"Yes, exactly. He's so afraid of himself that he drinks himself into unconsiousness and denies himself pleasure, why would he ever be excepting of me? He's made me leave once, I just don't want to make it twice." Cas said in a rush.

"You really think he'd do that?" Sam asked quietly.

"I-I don't know. I meant no disrespect to him, I just-"

"No, I get it. It's just the fear of the possibility. Listen, if he reacts badly, I'll step in." Sam promised.

"Thank you Sam." Cas said sincerely.

"Yeah. So, uh, shaving under your arms, huh?"

* * *

Dean did in fact go to a movie, then directly to the bar. There still hadn't been a call to his phone, so he pocketed it and pulled out his wallet. He threw down the right amount, and put his empty glass on top of it, then headed out.

He wasn't in any hurry, but he did want to get back. He hated leaving them alone. He knew they weren't helpless, they weren't children, but so many things could happen, he'd like to be there just in case.

He wasn't angry anymore, the couple of drinks draining the annoyance from him. He had a water before he left, so he figured he was fine to drive. He could stop at the store, and get things to make dinner at home he figured, as he got into his baby.

* * *

"Sam, I'm back. Come with me to the kitchen." Dean yelled. He heard feet moving, and carried the couple of bags, but Sam had beat him to the hall and took one from him.

"Pasta?"

"The shells, just like you like." Dean confirmed.

"I thought you said you didn't understand the shells."

"I don't, you can't get them on your fork, you need a soup ladel to get a big enough bite." Dean said. Sam chuckled as theu reached the kitchen.

"Why uh, why'd you buy them then? I thought you were upset with us." Sam said. He waited for an outburst, but none came.

"Dean?"

"I saw those dresses Sam. That isn't right, he'll get laughed at." Dean said.

"Dean... We need to talk about this." Sam started.

"No, Sam, it's... Look, dudes don't usually want to dress like chicks. It's not common."

"Actually, probably more then you think-"

"Shut up, hang on. I'm trying to explain. Look, personally, I don't care. Let him wear what he wants. The point is, we're in Kansas. He's going to get shot or something if he goes out like that without us hulking around with him. I've heard the stories." Dean said. Sam sighed and pulled out his phone.

"I think you'll understand better if I show you something." Sam said.

Dean scrunched his eyebrows and watched as he typed away. When he held it up, Dean took it to see, while Sam unloaded the groceries.

"Genderfluid? ...male, female, neutrois, or any other non-binary- what the hell does this mean?" Dean asked. Sam chuckled and took the phone back.

"Look, just research it. Get more information, watch some youtube videos. Hell, that's what Cas is doing right now." Sam said.

"But what is it? I mean, is this why he keeps wearing girls stuff?" Dean asked.

"Well, yeah, but right now he feels like he is a girl." Sam explained.

"So what, I have to call him "she" now?" Dean asked.

"If he asks us to, then yes!" Sam said. Dean took a deep breath and rubbed his forehead.

"Look, I'm just going to need some time to process this. I mean I did, but saying he's actually a girl is way different from crossdressing. Do you think he- or- whatever, she, maybe, can wait?" Dean asked.

"Honestly, no. You need to talk about this as soon as possible. Some people just... Are female, with a male body. If he feels that he's a she, you need to support her. If she suddenly feels like a he again, support him. If Cas suddenly feels like something in between or nothing at all, say 'they' and move on. It's as simple as that." Sam said. Again, Dean sighed and paced.

"Alright. Alright, I'll... Do what I can." Dean said. Sam slapped his back, and smiled.

"That's the spirit. Hey, I'm going to go tell him you're back, remember not to mix the pasta and sauce, he doesn't like a lot on his." Sam said. Dean nodded as he pulled out a pot to start boiling water.

* * *

"Cas, can I come in?" Sam knocked.

"Come in." Cas called back. Sam opened the door, and found him still watching videos, but now he had managed to get to cooking tutorials.

"Hey, Dean's back." Sam said.

"Oh." Cas said quietly.

"He's making pasta. It'll be ready in about thirty, forty-five minutes. Just wanted to let you know." Sam said.

"Thank you Sam." Cas said. He turned back to the laptop, and Sam took that as his exit.

* * *

"Sam, dinner! Call Cas, wash up!" Dean yelled through the hall. Sam peeked his head out of a storage room down the hall and waved in acknowledgement as he left.

Dean served up three bowls, two with meaty sauce, and one with butter and cheese, and a little bowl of sauce balanced on the top. He still didn't understand the urge to dip bites instead of just drowning them.

He laid them all out at the table, and went back for drinks. A beer and two waters. Amateurs. Then again, Sam would fuss about his health.

He put the beer back and got one more cup of water, and set it out by the food. There, all set. Except silverware and napkins. He went back to the counter one more time, and just as he stuck Cas' fork in his bowl, they rounded the corner.

Cas stopped, and they stared for a moment before Cas picked up his bowl.

"I think I'll eat in my room." Cas said.

"What, don't want to eat with us?" Dean asked. It was a joke, but Cas shrugged.

"Not really." He mumbled.

"Cas, wait. Come on, sit down." Sam said. He smiled, and Cas relaxed a little. As he sat down, Dean sat as well, and they all started to eat.

"So... What have you been doing?" Dean asked awkwardly.

"Watching tv." Cas lied. Sam grimaced, but hid it when Cas looked.

"Hey, why don't we do that, dinner and a movie. Sam, Cas, I have that new tv in my room, and we've got netflix. How 'bout it?" Dean asked. Sam looked to Cas who just looked uncomfortable with the spotlight put on him.

"That would be fine." He said quietly. Dean clapped and stood up.

"Alright! Come on, you can pick out the movie." Dean said.

He stood up and grabbed his food and drink, and the other two copied his movements. He led them to his room, where Sam quickly started up the tv. Cas stood uncomfortably in the doorway.

"Don't be shy, sit down." Dean said. Cas' eyebrows knitted together.

"Where?"

"Right here, come on." Dean said. He plopped down in the middle of the bed and put his drink on the nightstand, then reached out and took Cas' to put beside it. Sam sat down on the right of him, and Dean patted the bed to the left.

Cas seemed to consider, then carefully slid up beside him. Dean handed him the remote, but he handed it back just as quickly.

"You should choose. I'm not familiar with movies you would be interested in." Cas said. He didn't wait to let Dean try to hand it back, instead forking pasta up into his mouth so he wouldn't have to talk.

"Cas, what do you like?" Sam asked. Cas chewed and reluctantly answered.

"I like... Romantic comedy." Cas said quietly. There was a moment of silence where Cas shoveled in more pasta, and Dean nodded.

"Ok. Alright, I can work with that." Dean said. Sam smirked and looked away.

* * *

For two and a half hours, Dean held his tongue through the boring movie that yeah, ok, he picked, but only because he saw Cas smile a little at the name. Cas watched intently, while some country girl from bumfuck no where fell for a troublesome country boy.

By the end, Dean had to admit he was happy for them, but he wasn't looking to rewatch it, so he exited to the netflix menu. Sam stood up and stretched, then collected the dishes.

"Alright, I'm done for tonight. You two should keep watching without me though." Sam said. Dean scowled as he walked out. That was a blatant "you two talk" and even Cas knew. He was looking at the bed, away from Deans eyes, as Sam shut the door.

"Sorry about him. It's uh... He wants us to bond I guess." Dean shrugged. Cas nodded and looked at the tv.

"I could go if-"

"No, no, don't be crazy. Here, hang on." Dean said. He slid over to give Cas more room, and they both got more comfy.

"What other stuff do you like?" Dean asked.

"We could watch that, I did enjoy it. I think you would too if you gave it a chance." Cas said. Dean grumbled as he put it on.

* * *

Damn cancer teens and their tragic lives. Damn poetic little shit. Fucking metaphors.

"Dean, are you alright?"

"I'm fine. You- big baby, you were tearing up." Dean huffed. Cas cracked a smile and dipped his head.

"Of course Dean." Cas agreed. Dean nodded and then looked over at him, smiling when he saw him biting his lip.

"Shut up, it was sad." Dean said, rubbing at his eyes quickly. He smiled bigger then he had in a while when Cas choked back a laugh.

"I knew what would happen, and... your face was quite amusing. I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to disturb you." Cas admitted.

"Yeah, well. Don't tell Sam. I have a reputation to uphold. What happens in here stays in here." Dean joked. Cas nodded.

"I promise I will not, it will stay in here." Cas agreed. He laid his hand over Deans for a moment, and Dean felt his face heat up. That was definitely staying in here.

* * *

Dean had done research all day. The consept was pretty easy to understand, as were the "prefered pronouns" that came along. He would have to get used to calling Cas 'she' though if he chose it. Of all the things that could have gone right or wrong for Cas, as a new human, he figured this was a low medium on the scale.

From what he could tell, people in the outside world may not be so fond of him dressing like a girl, which he knew would happen. Then again, snobby people were fine compared to demons and monsters. He'd prefer it. But then, would Cas be ok? Would he be crushed by it, or brush it off? Would he be safe walking down the street alone?

By the time he shut his laptop, he could smell dinner cooking. Sam took up tonight, making home made pizza, and it didn't smell burned yet. He didn't have the best track record with ovens, but whatever.

He could hear Sam yell down the halls, and he got up and stretched. He slid the laptop under the bed, along with the charger, and then fluffed his pillows. If they were going to do another movie night, he didn't want them uncomfortable.

Turns out they didn't need too. They ate in relatively good spirits, in the kitchen. Cas looked stressed as all hell, and Dean knew why. He hadn't failed to notice his bright green toes, through the hole in his sock. He was pretty observant. Still, he didn't comment on it.

As they got up to put dishes away, Sam slapped him on the back. Dean pulled back and looked at him questioningly, to which he only got a nod in Cas' direction as answer. He shot him back a glare as he walked stiffly back to Cas.

"Hey, listen, I... You want to go back to my room? To watch movies I mean! We have some popcorn, or since we just ate-"

"Dean, please don't." Cas said quietly. Sam pointed towards the doorway but neither of them paid attention as he snuck out.

"Don't what?" Dean asked.

"I know you saw my..."

"What, your feet? Yeah, and I saw those dresses too. I just wanted to watch some movies with you." Dean said quickly.

It may not have been the most elegant way of bringing up the topic, but it did the job. Cas looked panicked, then stunned, then angry. Dean rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly when Cas' face settled in to sadness.

"If this is some game-"

"No, Cas, I wouldn't- hey, look at me. I would not do that to you. I didn't want to have this conversation yet, but I guess we need to, huh?" Dean said. Cas nodded glumly, still not meeting his eyes.

"Come on back to my room, follow me." Dean said. Cas did so begrudgingly, but surprisingly quietly, like he was trying to be forgotten about by tip-toeing.

"Alright, get comfy." He said.

Dean went to pick up the remote to start the tv, and noticed Cas was putting his feet under the covers. He didn't comment on it. Instead, he made his way back to the bed, and got on it himself. He pulled the covers up over his lap, then turned to sit criss-cross looking at Cas.

"Come on, assume the position." Dean said. Cas huffed and sat up, but did turn towards him after a few seconds of debate.

"So... You're wearing nail polish." Dean said. Cas stayed silent.

"You're wearing dresses too, or- are you?" Dean asked.

"I have been trying them on for breif periods." Cas said quietly. Dean nodded, more to himself.

"Alright. Is there anything else?" Dean asked. Cas mumbled something, and Dean leaned forward.

"I shaved, under my arms, I shaved." Cas snapped. He started to get up, but Dean grabbed his arm.

"Don't leave." Dean said.

"Why?!"

"Because we're going to watch a goddamn movie, and you're going to keep you goddamn painted toes in my goddamn bed, ok?! Because I'm trying to be nice, and you're trying to run from me!" Dean yelled.

"Wouldn't you?!" Cas yelled back. Dean stopped and took a breath. 

"Yeah, yeah I would." Dean said quietly. At the words, Cas deflated as well.

"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for-"

"Stop, ok? It's fine. I get it, you're right. Why don't we just... Start over, ok?" Dean said. Cas nodded and relaxed a little.

"I know what you... Identify as. Sam showed me, and I've been looking into it." Dean explained. Cas paled, but nodded, and when he realized Dean was waiting for something, he cleared his throat.

"Yes, I'm... Genderfluid. I'm still me though. I hope this doesn't change how you think of me." Cas said quietly.

"No, it won't. I mean, ok, maybe a little, knowing you're going to want to be called female sometimes-"

"I don't necessarily want that. Right now, I'm happy being just, Castiel. He that is. But it would feel better to be wearing my dress if I were being honest." Cas said.

"Yeah, how does that work, by the way? I mean, aren't the genders and the pronouns and the clothes kind of all attached?" Dean asked.

"From what I understand, they can be, but not neccesarily. Right now, I could dress as a female, and feel like a mix of the two. Clothes hold no gender, although they do help it along." Cas said patiently.

"I... Can't say I understand that completely, but I'll get there. Do you want to go put a dress on now?" Dean asked. Cas sat up straighter and raised his eyebrows from surprise.

"Could I?" Cas asked.

"Yeah, have at it. You want to watch a movie or not?" He asked. Cas was already getting up off the bed.

"Yes, of course. Let me- I'll be right back." Cas said. Dean smirked as he ran off, feet tapping along the floor.

Dean set up netflix, and selected a random superhero movie, and by the time he had, Cas was back. He knocked on the door timidly, and even after Dean said "come in", it took a minute. He could hear Sam on the other side urging him on, and he rolled his eyes.

When the door cracked open, Deans eyebrows shot up. Sure, Cas in the dress he expected. Socks off, green toes, sure. But he didn't expect it to look so _good. _ ___ ___

"Cas, you- you look, I mean, good. Nice color." Dean fumbled. Cas was blushing anyway.

"Thank you. Shall we watch?" Cas asked.

Dean threw his hand up to show that he was starting it, and Cas climbed up on the bed. He got down under the covers, and Dean clenched his jaw. Why did Cas look so damn good in everything?

"Dean, you staring."

"Sorry- just, going to take some getting used to." Dean said awkwardly. He forced his eyes back towards the tv, and eventually managed to follow the story.

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Dean grew more accustomed to seeing Cas in his teal dress. It really was a nice color on him. Despite the fact that he was used to it now though, doesn't mean Kansas natives would be. Cas realized that, and he never wore it out. 

Dean could tell he wanted to. When they went out, he'd hesitate at the door, or decide not to go out at all. Sam was starting to worry, and Dean couldn't say he hadn't as well. He was starting to mope around.

"Cas, we need to go out."

"What for?" Cas asked.

"To get you out. Come on, suit up." Dean said. Cas squinted at him.

"Dean, you know people will stare at us, at you,-"

"Well I don't care. You can always bring extra clothes if you want, if it would bother you. Sam is coming too, and he can be intimidating as all hell." Dean said. Cas still looked upset, and he looked away from him.

"I just can't do that." Cas said quietly. Dean sighed and sat down on the bed.

"Why not? I thought you'd be excited."

"I am, I want more than anything to go, but... After watching online, all these horrible things that people do, I just... Can't." Cas murmured. Dean sighed and nodded slowly.

"Put on some regular clothes then. We're still going out." Dean said. His tone was deeper, a clear order, and Cas ducked his head.

"Yes Dean." Cas mumbled. He got up and went to his closet, and Dean stood and left to give him some privacy. As soon as he was out the door, Sam was on him.

"That was a little harsh."

"Hush, I have ulterior motives." Dean growled. Sam threw his hands up in surrender, but as he walked away he could hear the big guy knock on Cas' door anyway.

* * *

"Sam, why don't you go get some snacks? Rent a movie, or something. Take your time." Dean said. He raised his eyebrows, and Sam took the cart from him. Dean slipped him the car keys as well, a very clear 'stay away'.

"Ohhh... kay. Call me if you get lost." Sam said. He could see the stern look Sam sent him seconds before he walked off. More like call me if you screw up.

"Alright, what do you want?" Dean asked.

"Female breasts generally."

"Don't we all man."

Dean coughed and smiled sheepishly as a middle age woman walked past, looking scandalized. He quickly put a hand on Cas shoulder and made him walk forward, out of the main walkway and into the clothes.

Cas choked on a laugh as soon as they were out of the way of carts, and Dean smiled at the unexpected noise.

"Was that funny to you?"

"Implying that you like breasts in a sexual way, in front of that clearly very reserved and polite woman, yes it was." Cas sassed back. Dean raised his eyebrows in complete surprise and laughed. Now they were getting somewhere.

"Alright, so, back on topic. If you were being serious, I'm sure I can find you some... I don't know, padding or something. You'd have to wear a bra, which would be all kinds of painful, unless you wear a sports bra, but-"

"How do you know?" Cas interrupted.

"I uh, I've been, told. Anyway, if you want, I can find you something. You could go to the car. Or, you could pick something out, I don't know-"

"Dean, are you trying to buy me breast padding? " Cas asked quietly.

"I- well- yeah. If you want, dude. Or uh, girl, or-"

"Girl is fine today." Cas interrupted.

"Oh. Right, course." Dean corrected.

He stood for a minute and just really looked at Cas. He- she- looked almost shy, looking around like people might be hiding around every corner, watching. Still she gave Dean a little smile.

"What?"

"Nothing. You just look happy." Dean said, without thinking. Cas looked away and for a minute he thought he messed up, until Cas peeked her head back up.

"I am happy. Now." Cas mumbled. Dean nodded in satisfaction.

"Alright, come on then. Lets go buy you a bra." Dean smiled.

* * *

After an extensive trial run of every single one she liked, they settled on two pink sports bras and one regular bright green bra. Dean scoffed when she said it would match her toes.

As they headed for the front, Cas stopped in his tracks. Dean looked back to see him- her- he had to get used to that, examining a silky yellow dress. The straps an inch thick, enough to hold it up but still show off shoulder, and the length simple, no designs. Cas rubbed the fabric between her thumb and forefinger, then checked the price. When she started to walk away, Dean grabbed it from the hanger and put it in the basket they acquired earlier.

"Dean, can we..." Cas stopped.

"What?"

"No, nevermind." Cas said quickly.

"No, ask. This trip is for you. If you want something let me know." Dean said quietly. Cas looked at her feet, them back up confidently.

"It's just... I have no shoes." Cas mumbled.

"To go with the dresses?" Dean asked.

"Yes, I was actually thinking sandals would look nice. Some brown ones for my teal dress, and maybe some silver flats for the... Yellow one? What?" Cas asked.

"You're just really open now. I'm glad you trust me Cas." Dean smiled. Cas nodded.

"You're here. I have to believe you wouldn't be if you completely dissaproved." Cas smiled.

"Come on, lets go find you some sandals." Dean said.

Cas lit up and walked quickly towards the shoe section, but Dean stopped. To his left was a large selection of nail polish and makeup, from kits to individual bottles and tubes. A few things caught Deans eye, and his hands landed on them without hesitation. He slid the kits, bottle, and tube under the new yellow dress and followed Cas, before she realized he was missing.

* * *

The checkout was terrifying to Castiel. As they walked up, Dean saw the fear in her eyes, and he stopped walking forward.

"Do you want to go to the car?" Dean asked.

"No, it's just... I'm worried they'll know it's mine." Cas shuddered.

"Hey, look at us. You think that little old lady can take us down? I'm right here, and if she starts trouble, I'm right here to back you up." Dean whispered.

"Yes, but she just went on break. I think she has a chance against both of us." Cas pointed.

Dean looked back, and in her place at the only open register was a hulking, dark skinned woman, with an angry glare. She looked towards them, and Dean swallowed. She reminded him a bit too much of Missouri Mosely, from years ago.

"Are ya'll gonna stand there or pay?" She snapped. Both of them rushed forward, and Dean quickly dropped the basket on the counter.

"Mmm-hmm. These shoes aren't for those feet, they better be for him." She said, looking at Cas. Dean set his jaw angrily and Cas took a grab for his hand. He was surprised, but didn't shrug him off.

"Lady, if you have a problem-"

"Hush up, I got no problems. 'Cept that my husband flooded the damn house with toilet water again, and my grandson don't ever call. Is it too much to ask for a call once in a while?" She said, bagging their stuff. Cas relaxed a little, even managing a small smile at Deans face.

"N-No ma'am. He should definitely call. You uh, you wouldn't be related to a Missouri, would you?" Dean asked.

"Dean, you need to pay." Cas whispered.

"Yeah, right." Dean said distractedly.

He slid his credit card through, and tucked it back in his pocket, when Cas let go of his hand. He was almost dissapointed, until the woman gave him a look, and he schooled his features back to nonchalance. Cas picked up their bags, and Dean took the receit, stuffing it in his pocket. The woman gave him a strangely knowing smile as they left.

"Do you want me to carry one?" Dean asked.

"No, I have it. Thank you though. I apologize for grabbing your hand like that, I got nervous." Cas said. Dean shrugged.

"Hey, feel free to do it again." Dean said. Cas slowed her pace suddenly, but kept walking quickly enough, trying not to act too shocked.

"I-I mean, if you get nervous. 'S what I meant." Dean said lamely. Cas nodded, smirking a little.

"Of course." He smiled.

* * *

As they headed inside, Sam helped Cas carry bags to his- her- room, while Dean unloaded what Sam had bought. Leaves, plants, more leaves, and thankfully some things more suited to his taste, like hot dogs, cereal, and potato chips.

"Dean?" Cas said. Dean jumped and turned.

"Jeez dude, you scared me. Don't sneak up like that, I might stab you." Dean chuckled.

"I apologize. I wanted to ask about..." Cas stopped, pulling the box from behind his back.

"This nail polish, I didn't pick it out. I wanted to make sure it wasn't taken by accident, or stolen. Please tell me you didn't steal this." Cas said quietly. Dean looked at her, the way she was staring at her feet, trying not to make eye contact. He put down his groceries and walked over to her.

"Cas, I bought that for you." Dean said.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Well, thought you might like it. Unless you don't, that's fine. I can take it back, I just-"

"Dean, I love it. The colors are perfect. Thank you, really. I found the black polish and lip gloss too, I'll try those on later." Cas said, smiling.

"Good, yeah, ok. I'm glad you like it." Dean said. He tried to stop the blush creeping up his cheeks, thinking of Cas wearing lip gloss. Thinking of... Other things happening with the lip gloss.

"So... Cas, are you... I mean, are you happy?" Dean asked.

"I am." Cas nodded.

"And are you... You said you're a girl today?" Dean asked.

"I think, maybe now I'm... just Cas."

"Ok, I can work with that."

* * *

"What in the hell are you wearing?" Dean blurted out.

"A sweater I found in the back of my closet. It must have belonged to a man of letters. Dean, this polish still isn't dry. Am I doing it wrong?" Cas asked, sticking out their hands.

Dean took their hands gently. They were rough, and the polish was put on sloppily, but the black looked perfect on them. So did the new coat of lip gloss.

"Cas?" Dean said quietly.

They looked up, too close in his personal space, and he couldn't find it in himself to care. His stomach was doing flips like never before, and Cas was just getting closer.

"Did you know this lip gloss tastes like strawberry?" Cas asked. Dean shook his head dumbly.

"I can... Show you." Cas said quietly. Deans heart stopped, he would swear it. He nodded.

It wasn't exceptional when Cas kissed him. It wasn't sparks flying, or magic, but it was tingling up his spine, and the hair on his neck raising, and his hands tightening around Cas'. It was perfect.

"S'- yeah, strawberry." Dean mumbled.

"You smeared my nail polish."

"Damn it."


End file.
